Losing Control

As always, this summer is flying by. Over the past year I’ve made many changes in hopes to transitioning to a lower stress/anxierty level. Unfortunately what changes I thought were best haven’t all worked out as expected.  I guess that’s part of life. In the meantime my stress level is up a few notches and I’m not appreciative of that.

I’m currently working 4 jobs (1 full-time and 3 part-time ). This isn’t by choice, but necessity. A year ago I took a lower paying job in trade-off for less stress. After my income dropped by 1/3 I was then laid off. It was a double whammy given our budget had already taken a serious blow. Thankfully my husband and I have small job opportunities that are helping keep us afloat.

At this point I’m trying to decide what’s the best course of action in regards to jobs. I know many people have lived many years doing what we’re currently doing. I’d like to act tough and keep trucking along…which I’ll probably end up doing. However, I can’t help but think of so many aspects of my life that are suffering because of our current situation.

I feel like I’m half-assing everything and not giving anything 100%.   I’m going from one thing to the next that i can’t focus on anything. I’m always looking toward the next obstacle ahead. I have a triathalon in 2 weeks. Although I’ve been training and all will probably go well, I know I’m not getting out enough.  My sleep is seriously suffering. I’m dog tired due to the type of work I’m doing and how much I’m running from here to there. I have little to no time for “me time”. For instance, blogging. And lastly, stress in general is never good on a relationship.

I deal with high anxiety due to OCD tendencies.  Although it’s great to surrender control,  I feel like I’m losing control, which is never a good feeling.

I’m not sure what the point of posting this post is about. I’m not looking for sympathy. I guess I just need to vent.  I’m hoping I will be lead in someway to a positive and brighter future.

In the meantime I’ll just keep trying to smile and be grateful.

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2 Comments

  1. This is a good time for you to focus on where your heart is, where your “passion” is. I know working is a neccessity, you have’ta make ends meet, but taking a step back & re-examining is vital some times. What might be hard in the short term could end up being better in the long run. Maybe you should step back from one of the part-time jobs & concentrate on your photography (for instance). It’ll be tough now, but its something you love & you have NO IDEA where it could lead if you just leap! Always rooting for ya!!! 🙂

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